A wise man once said “treat people with kindness”. That wise man was Harry Styles, and that is not exactly an original quote of his, but he did name a song, and launch a line of clothing surrounding this sentiment, so the fanatic directioner in me will give him credit. I would, however, like to amend his statement: “treat people with kindness and respect”. Respect seems to be a hot button word, being essentially the golden rule from the time we start schooling at just five years old. Respect looks different, though, in different contexts. Now that we’ve been dealing with this pandemic for over a year, I’ve noticed that a pseudo-residual effect of COVID-19 is a lack of respect.

This lack of respect, at least that I’ve noticed, has occurred in two different spheres of life. One has been academically and/or professionally. Let me give you an example. Zoom school is overwhelming, to say the absolute least. Burn out is at an all time high, and no one is immune. One of my classes this semester, I would go as far to say, has been the primary source of my burnout. I am typically very careful of saying that I think my workload is unreasonable; I chose this schedule for myself, I chose to take 15 credits in my final semester. What I did not choose, was to have a 7-8 page paper with a cover letter, and a 250-page book all assigned with just one week to complete, with one of just two University sanctioned “wellness days” falling within that week. This, with the sole exception of organic chemistry (but that’s simply not my forte), is the most unreasonable amount of work I have been assigned for one course throughout all of my years of school. Not just college, all of school. I was feeling extremely anxious about all of this, to the point where I had to leave the class in order to take care of myself. I emailed the instructor explaining the situation, and asking for an extension. Now mind you, when I had covid, I was offered an extension by this same instructor that I did not take because I did not feel as though I needed it. When I told the instructor I was feeling incredibly anxious and had to leave class, I was met with a no, and told that for every day I went without turning in the assignments, my grade would go down one point (out of 20 points). This is problematic for a number of reasons, not the least of which being that this instructor quite literally said “mental health is nothing compared to physical health”, but the reason I’d like to address is that there was a huge lack of understanding, or in other words, respect. On top of all of that, it has now taken over two weeks for these assignments to be returned to me, showcasing that this instructor does not value mental health as much as physical health, nor my time as much as theirs.

Let me now provide you with a counterexample. I am in another course in which I, pardon my French, fucked up royally. I received a notification that I had gotten a 0 on an essay that was supposedly due two weeks prior. I had absolutely no idea that I even had an essay due two weeks prior. I emailed that instructor, relatively frustrated seeing as though that has never happened to me and I could not find any reminders about the essay in my inbox, and they immediately set up a time to meet with me outside of their regular office hours. In that meeting, they told me that they were willing to be flexible. That they understood I must be going through a lot as a student right now, and that I should just pound out this essay, that I shouldn’t spend more than a couple hours on it, and send it to them whenever I can. I ended up turning in that essay exactly one month late, and I received a very satisfactory grade on it. That is how to show respect in the zoom universe. In fact, that is how to show even more respect than ever would be necessary in the zoom universe.

The second sphere of life that I’ve noticed this lack of respect in, is the personal sphere. Since the beginning of this semester, I had a couple of friends who I considered to be incredibly close to me just start ignoring my messages out of the blue. I had no idea what was going on, or why, and it felt like I was at a complete and utter loss; when I asked what was going on, I was met with radio silence. It wasn’t until after roughly two months of silence that I found out from someone else that these couple friends had an issue with something that I was doing. I wasn’t told directly that there was an issue with me, and I wasn’t given a complete explanation either. When I reached out, I was given a bit more of an explanation, but not much. I found myself growing increasingly frustrated; it wasn’t that I was in denial of my behavior that was bothering them, it was more that I wasn’t even given the opportunity to fix it, let alone be made aware that I was even doing it. Who knows how I would have reacted had I been given that opportunity. Maybe I would have denied it. But the fact that I wasn’t even given the chance to, struck me as similarly disrespectful as those in my academic sphere who were not willing to extend courteous understanding or empathy.

This instructor was one that I’d known prior to the course, and these friends were among those whom I’d considered an integral part of my recent college experience, to say the least. I was blindsided in each of these scenarios, and let me tell you, it did NOT feel good. I’m trying my very best not to hold this display of a lack of respect against any of the players involved. I know that times are incredibly tough for everyone right now, and putting oneself first is of the utmost importance, even when, sometimes, that comes at the expense of others. That said, however, these are two situations that could have been prevented with a little more communication, and a little more understanding. All of this is to say, treat people with kindness and respect. This pandemic has been tough on just about everyone. In fact, I’d challenge you to find a single person who hasn’t struggled at some point over the course of the past year. It’s important to try to do your part in lessening that struggle for those around you, just as you would want them to do for you. We’re all human, we all have feelings, and we all break sometimes. Check in on the people you love. Do something nice for someone. Even if it’s just a “Hey, I’m thinking of you” text. A little bit goes a long way. Even a twelve hour extension would have helped. Even a text saying “Sorry, I just don’t have the mental capacity to have this conversation right now” would have helped. Put yourself first, but put the people you care about at a very close second.

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